OSCE TO COVER FRIDALEN POST-ELECTION

Bergen/Vienna (AP): A twelve men strong REACT squad surprised the former Dublin Correspondent at 4AM Thursday last. Due to his electoral ward, Fridalen 22 in the southern parts of Bergen, recently held its general election, and the Correspondent himself had up to several choices and determinations at his personal level, the Organization for Safety and Co-operation in Europe saw it necessary to certify the election’s free and fairness after accusations of election fraud and unusual high T-values. An encouraged Sinn Féin left Finnegan’s soon after.

The REACT (Rapid Expert Assistance and Co-operation Teams) questioned the Correspondent about several serious deviations, mainly on making up his personal choices. Following the OSCE election principles his choices where made during crowding, several rejections of opportunities and invalidation of ideas. The Correspondent unable to answer the team because of the NRK’s coverage of the Olympic Games was then left at his office as he refused to budge on any of the points made by the OSCE, stating that both the former Midland Correspondent, the Institute of Celto-Irish Affairs and “the guy at 326” were informed of the situation following the routines as expressed, described and illustrated in the Constitution. He then retreated to his tea.

The opposition, rather the potential opposition because of the flux in the parliamentary process, had addressed the OSCE in a paper with what they saw as serious fraud. The newly founded Vampyrrøsla, formerly known as the Vampire’s National Party led the meeting to address their concerns. The party leadership told the OSCE at their Party Office in a underworld-styled environment that they felt “slightly upset, and the decision of leaving us out a bit harsh and most unfortunate. We are against this intimidation”. On the question of their policies if the voters turned their way the General Secretary explained in a brief monologue “that’s not of your bloody concern, Daywalker. You see these fangs of mine? Huh, do you? We are going to turn those voters, bring order to the natural hierarchy, and reclaim both night and day, you, minion who dare to enter my Domain of Shaddows, will fear us! (A political advisor whispers to him) But we are fancying Vampire Rights though... reach a hand across community bounderies. And…vampire culture...stuff. We have made large contributions to the benefits of the Correspondent’s cultural life”. The Correspondent himself does not reject this fact.

Vampyrrøsla, was forced to change their name to New Norwegian following a ruling from the Election Commission, however, neither Sinn Féin (Irish) nor Vlaamse Liberalen (Belgian) or Parti bourgeois démocratique (Swiss) have been forced to do anything similar. The change of name did hence force a reprint of the ballot papers; however, the new papers did not reach the ballot booth in time for the Election Day, and effectively ended their participation. However, Vampyrrøsla’s main critique of the Election Day is the fact it was a DAY. No one from their underworld community, neither any of their candidates was able to reach the polling stations as the sun blocked the way. The Correspondent’s Office accepted, even endorsed, the roaring night life, but stated that such things as politics and elections had nothing past midnight to do. “The only election I accept whatsoever after midnight is those referendums who may be formed into a “yes” or a “no”, and following the EU principles a no is a delayed yes”, a emotional Correspondent addressed a by passer at Wesselstuen at 11PM Saturday last. This obstacle is looked at as one of the major oppressive tools used against the local vampire community, as the last years have given a rising identity for this gothic inspired minority, which could lead to a future representation. By now, however, the OSCE acknowledge, legitimating of this awaking tide and their incorporation in the social and political sphere is of utter importance. Any form of undead participation is highly unlikly.

The Election Committee have rejected the international efforts to push a re-election forward, as reports has shown possibilities for votes to the Vampyrrøsla (V) may become significant to push the majority in parliament, put two minor parties without representation and make 23PM to 4AM the best time of the day. Nobody have ever seen the vampires political platform, non of the governing parties nor opposition have any bonds to the party, and nobody have so far seen any reason for the party to exist. In a short comment a V candidate says “we have all the time in the world, we can wait, we are suckers! Uhm, wait…oh, well, you know what I’m trying to tell you”. So far the OSCE have placed a Mission to Fridalen with a 2 year mandate and free coffee/tea.