The Returner

I’m far from perfect. Even if I have my doubts from day to day taken the current mood to consideration; I like to think of myself as at least some skilled when it comes to social interaction. Normally I also manage quite well, mostly, to get in touch with people, and people that I know from before, friends, study buddies, friends of friends etc; I’m fairly easy going.

But today, that theory fell crushing towards the pavement as I walked off guard back home. Not to sound like a man of mysteries or a refuge, but there’s some parts of the past I’m less proud of. That I wish never happened or at least I could leave some situations for the parts of the memory that are least in use (like the part that makes you remember the ESC in Birmingham etc). Anyway; walking back home Friday afternoon with two guys from the Uni I of one or another strange reason turn my head around and out of nowhere a person I used to have some contact with, but which I hasn’t spoken to in nearly two and a half year, shows up just a few feet behind me. I haven’t been that bleedin’ shaken ever after moving here three years ago. Because this person where talking in his/her phone and where walking down a crossing street I manage to dodge any visual contact.

With the heart threatening to strangulate me we ended up in one of the southern parts of town, some 10 minutes walk from the point of “a bit too close contact”. Because the two other where suppose to walk a bit different then me to get home a joined them for some minutes on an additional bend on my rout back. Then, just to celebrate the fact that this was my last day at the Uni for this term, I dropped by a marked. I just had to buy some cupcakes. Standing in the queue I was re-experiencing parts from the upper secondary. Even the voice was back and this person seemed to haven’t changed to much either, so suddenly some parts of me where back in time and some unwanted feelings returned. Sometimes I get this feeling that; if you wish a thing more than anything, it will never happen, but if you really wish things not to happen, be sure they will. ‘Cause once more, out of nowhere this person comes walking just a meter in front of me. Fearing that he/she on a stage or another should watch back I saw that I couldn’t keep those meters behind, so, without to think too much I withdraws in a second and walks a extra round around the block. After that I took an alternative rout around the highway and avoided another “confrontation”.

I’m not proud of this, honestly I’m sad. Utter mournful. It’s hard since this is a person I was (and still are) found of. And that I avoided any contact is more a personal thing; a really don’t know where to continue after this years and happenings. It's frightfully hard to explain this.